As a full-time mom and full-time member of the workforce, I can say that I spend a tremendous amount of time worrying. I worry about whether I spend enough quality time with my kids. I worry if I am doing my job to the best of my ability. I worry that my kids will end up in therapy because of some silly thing I said very innocently that resonated with them. On the off day that I am feeling tremendously accomplished and organized, I worry that I feel that way only because I forgot to do something, hence the free time. I am only certain that I am not alone in my worries.
So much pressure is put on women to be the perfect wife, the perfect mom and the perfect employee. I feel so guilty because I am not home with them everyday. I feel guilty when I daydream at work about being home with the kids because I am not being productive at my job. It is a vicious cycle and it can be all consuming, but I think I may have figured something out while worrying one day.
I am the only mom my children have ever had. I have worked since before each of them were conceived. They only know me to be a working mom. I make a very conscious effort to make every minute I do have with them count. Every hour of my time away from work is spent with my kids. Sometimes we have a lot of fun, sometimes I have to spend some of that time correcting bad behavior and being “the mean mom”. Sometimes, I am stressed and overwhelmed and tired and I snap at them when I shouldn’t, but sometimes, I call in sick to work and let them stay home and we have special, unscheduled date day. This is who their mom is and it is all they have ever known. They love me on my good days and they love me on my bad ones, just as I love them when they are fighting or throwing a fit in the store or serving time in homework detention. I know that I think of my kids first before I make any big decisions. I always put their needs before my own. I tell them I love them, several times a day, especially when I am disciplining them. I am not without fault, but I try my hardest. So far, my kids are polite and friendly and warm little people. For now, it is safe to say that maybe I can worry a little less about how I am doing as a mom and worry a little more about how I am going to pay for college.