My oldest son is going to be ten. He is stuck between trying to be more independent and trying to get me to do everything but wipe his arse. He has a lot of friends and those boys have a lot more freedom then I give to mine. It might be because they aren’t the first of their parent‘s children, it may be because their parents are more laid back and it might be because their parents are happy to have their wild ass kids out of their hair. I don’t know what it is and frankly, it’s none of my business. My child is my responsibility. I believe I have to raise them right in order to keep the boys out of jail and the girls off the pole. I limit what he watches on tv, his access to the internet and the amount of time he spends playing video games. He is not allowed at a friend’s house unless there is a parent there to supervise and he is not allowed to roam freely about the neighborhood. I have been told that I “stink” and don’t let him do anything. He has already posed the argument of ” but Andrew’s* mom lets him (insert various unsupervised activities here). Really?? You’re ten! Are you out of your mind?
While I repress the urge to put my foot in his ass, I calmly point out all the things that make me a super duper cool mom. I actually do things with him. We have special date nights that are just for me and him. I embrace and encourage his natural creativity and his sense of humor. I am his biggest fan on the sidelines of his football games. When his second grade class did their “Flat Stanley” project, his Flat Stanley went to a tattoo shoppe and learned all about the art of tattooing and came back with a tattoo of his own. I taught him how to boogie board when he was four (in retrospect, I can’t believe I let him go that far out in the ocean, even though I was right there, bad mommy). This year, his dad will teach him how to surf. I let him play hookie from school twice a year, once to go into the city during Christmas time and once to celebrate his brother’s birthday with a special trip to wherever his brother would like to go. AND, I took him to Comic Con. For those of you who don’t know, it is a super huge comic book convention at the javitz center that has so much stuff there, I can’t even list it all. He lost his mind! Oh I am just the meanest friggin mom, ever!
I also point out the things these unsupervised kids are doing that are no bueno. They wander throughout the neighborhood in a group cursing at the top of their lungs, tipping garbage cans over and doing other mischevious, crappy things. They are never properly dressed in the cold weather and they are walking around with their jean slung low around their waists as if we are in South Central and they are underprivileged gang bangers. When my son and I see these kids hanging around, I use it as an example of what I better never catch him doing. There will come a time when I can’t force him to hang out with me. He will be allowed to go out for the afternoon with a friend and he will have a little more freedom. However, if I happen to drive down the street where he and his friend are walking and he is dropping F bombs with no coat on and his ass hanging out, you better believe I am stopping the car and dragging him home by his hair. I have always told him, if he wouldn’t do it if I was right there, don’t do it because I am not.
So I am mean. His friends tell me I am mean too. I will wear that nametag if I have to. So far, my son is polite, respectful and courteous. When he tells his friends about the adventures he had with his mom and dad over the weekend, his eyes light up with excitement. He is proud. I heard his friend say his parents never do anything with him. I gave Liam an elbow to the ribs, leaned in and said ” Boy am I mean and I sure do stink”. He smiled and waved me off.