Doing Twenty Things At Once & Completing None of Them-Adventures in ADHD Land

Nothing hurts more than an outsider suggesting there might be something wrong with your child. Your back goes up immediately and you get defensive. Why didn’t I notice it, you might wonder. Now I think to myself “why the hell would I notice he is much less attentive than the other kids in his class”. I am not in his class. He was my only child for six years so I had nothing or no one to compare it to. He went to preschool and honestly, all of the boys in his age group needed to be peeled off the ceiling on a regular basis. They seemed to feed off of each other and as soon as you got them settled,one would start behaving like a gremlin fed after midnight and it was chaos again.

It’s been two years since Liam’s initial diagnosis. It has been a struggle to say the least. My husband does not agree with anything anyone with any actual knowledge has to say on the topic. He thinks taking away his video games and tv time and giving the kid a good ol’ fashioned kick in the ass will fix it. He has been on four different medications, he has gone to behavior modification therapy, he has a 504 plan. Either it helps initially for a little while or there is no significant change. For now, I have pulled him off of everything, except the 504 plan. It’s not that I don’t care, I care soo, soo much. It’s that I am tired of trying to “fix” him when I have always been able to handle him just the way he is. I am also tired of the focus being on this one small part of him, rather than Liam as a whole.

Sure he talks as if he has had an eight ball sometimes. He will fire off twenty different questions, none of them related to anything, in ten seconds and be impatient about how long it takes you to respond. He is impulsive. He is also obsessive. If something is on his mind, it has to be addressed, immediately.

He is also extremely funny, extremely intelligent and very considerate. He is not a disruption in his class, ever. His teacher told me that he often looks like he is daydreaming, he has a glazed over expression on his face and he appears to “check out”. However, if she calls on him, he answers correctly. Schools here use the new grading system where instead of A, B, C kids are graded 4-1, 4 being above standard and 1 being below. His grades are mostly 3s and some 4s. Teachers want to see all 4s because that is what he is capable of. He is in fourth grade. I don’t really give a crap. He gets 4s in science and computer because that holds his interest. To me, it is not the end of the world that he gets 3s in English and Math. He is nine. No one can tell me how much of their concerns can be attributed to his disorder and how much is just his age. Maybe with maturity, things will change. Maybe they won’t. Maybe he will need medication again down the road and maybe he will have to take it forever. None of this is the end of the world for me.

He is just a boy. I am giving him a chance to just be. To see how this plays out. Naturally, if his grades plummet or his behavior has a significant change for the worse, I will revisit the other methods. For now, we are going to learn how to work with his ADHD, rather than try to suppress it. No one wants to see their child struggle and it is frustrating at times, but if given the choice to have him not have ADHD, if it would change who he is, his character, I wouldn’t give it up for the world. To me, he is perfection. If he grows up hearing that from me, he will come to believe it and have the confidence to pursue whatever he wants and not let anything or anyone hold him back.

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About Jen

I am a working, full-time mom to three beautiful children, ages 9 1/2, 3 1/2 and 15 months. My blog is partly therapy for me, part journal of my children's memories and partly a source of advice or atleast humor to other parents out there in the big world. While my children are my greatest joy and accomplishment, I am trying to maintain my individuality AND be a great mom. I am hoping to do this without screwing my kids up. Somedays are wonderful and I feel extreme gratitude to these little people that have completed my life. Other days, they seem to suck the life right out of me. I try to approach it all with a sense of humor and full knowledge that parenting can lead to alcoholism and brain damage. Please feel free to comment on any posts and suggestions are welcome .
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2 Responses to Doing Twenty Things At Once & Completing None of Them-Adventures in ADHD Land

  1. Sounds like you’re doing the best thing possible to me! I see where your husband is coming from as I’m guilty of it too some extent with my middle one. His ailments or whatever are all physical, but I insist that he can outgrow them and hate that he takes pills every day. Maybe it’s a man thing.

    • momonfire says:

      i don’t believe anyone ever really wants to put their child on medication. that was the biggest argument for us. I try to see it from his perspective, he just has to get that I am putting his best interest at heart. I might be wrong and I might be right, time will tell. Just wait until my middle guy starts school. If they think Liam is bad, wait until they get a load of this one.lol. I laugh because if I don’t i will cry. Seriously, though, in light of all the things that could go wrong with kids, some hyper activity and daydreaming isnt the end of the world for me

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