My husband is a very intriguing character. While you would think he was a manly man, judging from his burly, furry exterior,and he claims to be a manly man, I think he is at least part magnina. He cries at the drop of a hat, he loves the movie “Legends of the Fall“, babies, puppies and cupcakes. He argues like a stereotypical girl too, using such verbal combination punches as “You don’t pay any attention to me.” and “You never say anything about how nice I look.”
Naturally, when we had each of our children, he was a proud papa. Of course, everything that was good about them was the responsibility of his pure Irish bloodline.
“Of course they look like me. What made you think your genes would dominate mine?” Gee, I don’t know, how about science and the darker traits being dominant.
Anyhow, each of the babies strongly resembled their dad.
Like a lot of men I know, Butterbean assumed that his children would be just like him. They would have a natural athletic ability, an interest in meteorology, history, football, boxing, eating, exercise, nature and freestyle music (insert sound of me gagging here). Our first-born adored his Dad from the start. He is a daddy’s boy in that he loves doing things with him. Liam has the attention span of a squirrel and his father has the attention span of a gnat. That is their only common trait. If you ask DaddyO, he says they are exactly alike, because he sees things that simply are not there. He thinks Liam should be a linebacker, the kid has the size for it, but the drive to be super good at it simply is not there. Nor is the love for the sport. Liam enjoys it, but it wouldn’t be the end of the world if he didn’t play anymore. Daddy played Pop Warner for years and then played in high school. He looks like a football player. Liam’s interests are different. He loves WWF wrestling, he loves the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Alice In Chains and the White Stripes. He is smart as a whip and quick-witted and just all around hysterical. My boy opens his mouth and Mama comes rolling out. Our favorite pastime is mocking Geno.
Along comes son number two. Born the day before his father’s 41st birthday, Big Papa couldn’t be prouder. The kid came out after 23 hours of labor, almost killed me and the love of my life says to me “you couldn’t hold out two more hours so we could share a birthday?” Lucky for him I almost bled to death and didn’t have the strength to punch him in the face.
Again, daddy is super proud. This baby had an abnormally large penis, so much so that it was commented on several times by several clinicians in the hospital. What man wouldn’t be proud of that? He was an easy baby and again looked like his dad.
Then, as my little Quinnie the Pooh got older and started to express a personality, things got very interesting.
Quinn is a mama’s boy. So much so that his father gets rejected all day long. It is very sad to watch because Daddy really wants both his boys on team Dad. When I am not here, Quinn is lukewarm interested in his father. If I am home, Geno is invisible. Daddy expresses his hurt feelings by pondering where this kid came from or why he is so mischievous. To this I reply “Look closer, grasshopper. There are more similarities than you think.”
Quinn thinks it is hilarious to clunk around the house in my shoes, or pull my underwear on over his clothes. He has been known to style his hair with a blow dryer and play in mama’s makeup, squealing”look at me, I’m a pretty little girl.” He loves to smell good and he loves lotion. I think it is adorable and I know it is just a phase. Daddy thinks I encourage it. I certainly don’t say here is a dress Quinnie, go put it on. I just don’t make a big deal out of it. I know he is in touch with his feminine side, just like daddy.
He loves the ladies. Going to the neighborhood pool or the beach is extremely difficult because he is an ass grabber. He has grabbed more ass then any adult male I know. He is indiscriminate as to who the ass belongs to, regardless of their age, or shape or size, as long as it is attached to a woman. He also knows a pretty woman when he sees her. He always requests the very beautiful pediatrician in the practice we use. When my girlfriend, “Assley” as he calls her, comes to visit, he spends a lot of time playing with her and just before she left one day, he very politely asked if he could rub his penis on her. At least he asked first. See, ladies man, just like Daddy.
Much to my dismay, he loves dance music. He and his Dad boogie down to Swedish House Mafia all the time. He too loves animals of all kinds, especially dogs and watches Wild America reruns religiously, every Saturday morning. He is full of hugs and kisses at all times. He is stubborn to a fault and could give lessons to a mule. When given the choice to listen and stop pinching his sister, eating toilet paper, breaking his older brother’s things, kicking his brother in the head while he watches tv, etc. or get a beating, Quinn will take the beating every time. He is freakishly strong for a beanpole that survives on raw vegetables and cheese. He is also super-duper corny. His Dad’s nickname in high school w as Cornelius G. Ball, Cornball for short. Quinnius Maximus is supercharged with energy and is also extremely smart, like mama, but that is it. Daddy needs to open his eyes. I think he might have gotten the closest thing to a carbon copy as he is going to get.
I don’t know why men tend to associate their masculinity with how much their children, especially their sons, take after them. I have always said let the kids have their father’s looks, but my brain and sense of humor. It is too soon to tell how our little Rosebud will turn out. She looks the least like her father out of the three, but again, she doesn’t look like me. Another blue-eyed, porcelain skinned cherub. We can only tell that she is not hyper at all, thank GOD, she is super smart and she has a horrible temper. Like, if you touch her blanket, doll, book or food, she will cut you. If this kid has my temper, we are in deep doo doo.