I’ve been labeled this all of my life. I always got along great with the guys. I think it worked out great for me, two of my best friends are guys and they love me and can’t live without me. When I was younger, I struggled with it a bit. I thought because I was a guy’s gal, I thought it made me undateable. I thought it always put me in the “friend zone”. I later found out, it made me even more dateable, but because I didn’t think so, the guys just thought I was not interested. It also gave the girls a reason to really, really not like me. They didn’t like hearing about how funny I was or how I wasn’t dramatic like the other girls. In fact they didn’t like hearing anything about me at all. It was a little sad for me, because girls do need girl friends, but it all worked out. Now when I bump into those fake bitches when I am out with my two guy friends, they are stunned that the three of us are out together, that we still talk and that I am still awesome and don’t look a day over 18. Because I am a little evil, this always makes me a little happy.
So I am on the phone with guy friend #1, Paul(not his real name) who says that he has to tell me something, but it has to go in the vault and I absolutely can’t tell our other best friend, Sal (not his real name either) that he told me. I let out an exasperated sigh. Whenever Paul prefaces a conversation with “it has to go in the vault” and “don’t tell Sal I told you”, it is usually not good news OR it is something that is nowhere near as important as he is making it sound and not vault worthy. Anyway, I promise it will go in the vault, I tell him I will keep quiet and Grilled Cheesus just friggin tell me already. So here is how our conversation goes;
Sal paid you the most awesome compliment ever over the weekend.
So now I am intrigued and asked what it was.
Sal and I went out with the guys the other night. One of the guys introduced us to this girl he knows from his old job. The girl was hot and she had a great personality. Sal was obviously taken by her. When we were driving home Sal asked me what I thought of Callie and did I like her. I said I thought she was cool and Sal said that he liked her a lot, she was really cool. Callie was just like Jen used to be back in the day.
Just like I used to be? Back in the day? What the fuck kind of compliment is that?
Jesus Christ, here we go. How is that not an awesome compliment. You are the person he gauges all girls by. He really liked her because she reminded him of you.
No, she reminded him of me “back in the day”. If you ask me, I am considerably cooler now because I am older, more comfortable in my own skin and don’t put so much emphasis on what Sal thinks anymore. While I love and adore Sal, I could give a shit about whether or not I get his seal of approval anymore, which in my opinion, makes me even cooler then I was back in the friggin day. I don’t hold things back or repress things for fear I might anger or upset him. Now its all out there. That is the most backwards ass compliment I have ever heard and I am sorry I promised to put it in the vault because now I can’t go punch Sal in the throat. What makes me less cool now then I was then?
You’re not sleeping with him anymore.
Then I cracked up. That was an aha moment and I accepted my defeat. Gotta admit, that did make me considerably less cool. I would have thought all of the advice I had given them over the years from a woman’s perspective would have been very highly valued, but then again, it all comes down to sex for them.
Sal’s wife is not the best wife in the world. She is more than a little selfish, she is more than a little mean and generally, she is not very loving and supportive of my dear old pal. Yet, the only time he gets really pissed as when she withholds sex from him, which she isn’t doing as a punishment, by the way. She actually said that he just doesn’t do it for her anymore. Which is very interesting because the years have been really kind to Sal. He is in awesome physical shape. His wife, however, has let herself go, not that it matters, but I think that makes it more than a little effed up that she said he doesn’t do it for her anymore. Now that really pissed him off. He wasn’t upset by the fact that she isn’t a good life partner, or isn’t considerate of his feelings. He was pissed because their sex life was on a major decline. Now, me being a girl, wouldn’t want to have sex with my spouse if he was a mean, selfish, unloving husband. The guys will take the abuse as long as they get the boots in the end. And that, my friends, is why men really are the weaker sex. I think sometimes, because the three of us are so much alike, that we forget that I am a girl or that they are guys until that one subject where we are different comes up.
On a side note, Paul and I were talking one day about two years ago when I was pregnant with my last child, my only daughter. Now I love Paul to death but that fool actually said to me, “I can’t believe you are having a girl. What the hell do you know about being a girl?”
Um, I am a girl Paul, I have a vagina. I think I will be alright.