The Confessional Sessions

This has been a long week. I am tired. Yet I am wide awake, while my husband sleeps and sounds like he is choking on his tongue. Liam decides this is his opportunity to speak to me “privately”.  This is his new thing.  He has to have a private conversation with me everyday lately.

Today’s convo was no big deal.  He is worried about what happened in Boston, the state tests he is taking this week and next week, what happens when Grandma and Papa die, can I have a dog, will it be a boy dog or a girl dog, does Quinn have brain damage, does AvaRose need anger management, do you still love Dad, why is Dad so tired, why does Dad snore so loud, can I have a play date tomorrow and lastly, he is upset about some kids he isn’t getting along with. This by itself is not a major issue. The fact that he has a problem with the same kids over and over is a HUGE issue.

I love my son. He is my life.  I love these two-hour confessional sessions while everyone is asleep. It is interesting to see how worried and upset he is until I drop some knowledge on him and he leaves the room to go to bed feeling much better.  Which to me is hysterical because I don’t have all the answers or even one answer.  The simple answer is stay the fuck away from those kids.  You complained about them everyday for the past three months! There are 64 kids in fourth grade, go play with the other 61! It isn’t rocket science. If you know these two particular kids irritate you, then why do you end up close enough to hear their mean remarks anyway. Because your stubborn ass keeps seeking them out and standing near them! Duh

He can’t help himself.  The A part is, he wants everyone to like him and the B part is, if you don’t do it his way, you are wrong, you are a jackass and he is going to teach you the error of your ways until you do it his way and let him boss you around and control recess all while liking him as a person and all will be forgiven. And that is just never going to happen. The C part is when your kid has ADHD, there are a lot of comorbidities.  OCD is one of them.

While he might have been very particular about what game they were all playing and what the rules to the game are, he is not a mean kid.  He is super sensitive and the things these other kids are saying are hurtful. No one wants to see their kid come home ready to crumble into a pile of dust because they have been holding back their tears all day.

How do I get him to toughen up and not be so thin-skinned? How do I get him to believe in himself and understand that he does not need these kids or their approval?  The killer is, he is an awesome kid. I have never met anyone like him.  He is too smart for his own good.  He is absolutely, hysterically funny. He is imaginative and creative and a really, really great dancer.  Yet most of the kids in his school don’t know this stuff about him because he clams up, afraid he is going to be criticized or made fun of. His anxiety and self-consciousness get the better of him every time.  How do I raise a confident, self-assured boy without going too far and turning him into a douchebag?

I have absolutely no idea. I can tell him to ignore these kids because it is easy for me to say.  They aren’t saying these things to me and I am not there.  It is hard to take advice about toughening up from your mom, especially when you are ten and you are almost as tall as she is. Plus, he says I have to tell him he is good-looking and smart and funny because I am his mom. So I told him what every loving mother tells their child.

I told him that if this kid Mike comes up to him while Liam and his cousin Nora are playing at recess to be unaffected by his appearance. If Mike starts chirpin in his ear, he needs to put his hand up and tell Mike “Nobody has time for this.  I only want positive people around me, so take your negativity and tell your story walking. Me and Nora are having a good time here. You can either be quiet and play or take a hike.  Don’t come over here and crap on my lunch. ”

He looked at me and rolled his eyes in disgust (did I mention I hate that? It took a massive amount of self-control not to smack those rollie eyes out of his head).

“Ma, I am not gonna say all that. How long do you think recess is? I get it , I get it. Jeeze”

So I started out feeling sorry for him and now I want to put my foot in his ass. ( I gave him the finger after he got out of the car and walked away. Yes, I do that.) Maybe I need to spend a little less time worrying about Mr. Perfect over here and start worrying about Quinn and AvaRose. After all, Liam has already decided Quinn is nuts and Ava has anger issues.  Dear Lord, please don’t let this country ever run out of gin or entertain the thought of prohibition ever again.  Liam is only ten and at the rate he is going, I don’t know what is going to be left of Mama for the other two.

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About Jen

I am a working, full-time mom to three beautiful children, ages 9 1/2, 3 1/2 and 15 months. My blog is partly therapy for me, part journal of my children's memories and partly a source of advice or atleast humor to other parents out there in the big world. While my children are my greatest joy and accomplishment, I am trying to maintain my individuality AND be a great mom. I am hoping to do this without screwing my kids up. Somedays are wonderful and I feel extreme gratitude to these little people that have completed my life. Other days, they seem to suck the life right out of me. I try to approach it all with a sense of humor and full knowledge that parenting can lead to alcoholism and brain damage. Please feel free to comment on any posts and suggestions are welcome .
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